Here's one that I thought I wanted to see.The idea of being able to go back into your life and redo--shades of "It's A Wonderful Life", right? You'll learn how good you have it, right?
WRONG. Good grief.....talk about trauma after trauma.
I tried to be a big girl.
We made it about 45 minutes into the film. I kept waiting for something good to come from it.
It didn't happen. It only got worse.
It was the Brit who stopped the film and announced that we were done.
He'd been nervously eyeing me throughout those 45 minutes, playing with my hair as I stretched out on the couch, checking in with me as each trauma unfolded....
Ya know....Coming from a childhood with traumas galore leaves you forever changed.
I'm blessed to have the man in my life--he knows the places I've been, the journeys I've gotten to take. Thank G-d he's never had to experience any of those traumas in his lifetime -- no one should ever have to experience some of the things some of us get to experience.
I don't stay stuck in it.
It's been used for the good.
Today I can reach into places others don't get to reach.
I can know pieces of the innerworkings and pain others have because I've been there and experienced some things.
Not fun things--but they don't define me today.
They don't run my life.
I can look at those things as events that shape me into who I am today.
He doesn't see those events the same way yet.
And while there's a sense of awe for all I've walked through--there's a protectiveness that comes with it.
Even if it's to make the decision to shut off the film and make it 'done'.
He keeps checking in with me.
I'm pretty clear he's disturbed that I might be disturbed.
Ya know......A part of me is.
I want to invent a decent ending to the host of traumas that was flashed before me....to hope for something good to have come from it all.
But not everyone gets that ending, eh?
Not everyone comes through the other side..........
And not everyone has someone next to them who knows the experiences and wants nothing more than to keep on lovin' ya like there's no tomorrow.
4 comments:
Hmm.. I've never been through much trauma.. at least not yet.. Whatever you've been through, I'm glad you have come this far, and I'm happy for you and 'the Brit' :D
Been there done that w/the trauma, I feel blessed that I might can do some good for some one somewhere, because of it.
When you get that ending invented, throw just a smidgen of it my way, huh?
Please.
You are blessed, Mel to make it through what you have and to have what you have.
luv U :~)
Ya know, that's one reason I choose not to watch anything overly violent or horror....there's enough of that in real life to warrant not paying to see any more of it.
I agree with e in oz. No need to waste good time or money on bad stuff that's been made for 'entertainment'.
Violence and pain aren't things we should settle down to enjoy! And if you've learned about them first hand you don't need some one else's lesssons either.
Oh and I'm so glad you have the caring Brit to look after you :)
Post a Comment