It's not fair.
It's not 'just'.
It just IS.
Stage 4 ovarian cancer isn't something people get to walk away from--I know this.
I'm praying for G-d's will to be done and I want to mean it.
I really DO.
There's 11 weeks until a baby will be borne--it would be her first grandbaby. She's trying to hang on until she arrives.
I don't know that she can.
There's not much of her left.
The disease is rampant--her CA125 is at 6800.....that's just one indicator of how freely it's moving through her body.....and it's not fair.....it's not just.....it just IS.
More than anything I want her to find peace--to be painfree.
I don't know if it's wrong to want and hope for what she's not hoping for--but it's what I want for her.
Is that G-d's will or mine I'm asking for.....
........mine.......
I hate cancer.
I hate what it does.
I hate when there's no getting in its way.....and it wins.
Cuz I hate losing.
I'm a sore loser.
And I'm madder than hell that I know I so much.
I wish I didn't......
6 comments:
when it comes to cancer, it's my belief that it is better to know and understand
however painful that knowledge and understanding is
if someone had told me my mother only had a few days left I would have felt a whole lot better than I did when my father phoned me up and said "your mother died last night"
:-/
that's just me tho
(there are lots of other things that I wish I didn't know about and understand - then I could live in a dreamworld that was better in many ways that the current nightmare; but that's just sour grapes speaking)
for those who have faith and hold it dear to their hearts - have faith and hold it dear to your heart
Dearest Mel...
please know that I am sharing MUCH energy and love with you at this time.
{{{{XXXMelXXX}}}}
I'm sorry...
I have been thinking about this post since you put it up yesterday. All that not knowing could give you is false hope. Having hung onto false hope before, my experience says that it's better to know the truth.
I know the pain you are having, and I empathize. Still, this is when you need to know that you are Graced too.
{{{{{{ Mel }}}}}}
I am here for you.
Monty
I HATE cancer.
I HATE what is does.
I HATE not being able to stop it...and I know how often it wins.
send me an email if you would....
{{{{mel}}}}
I just read The Last Lecture...this blog made me think of it...I can't imagine what a person with cancer must deal with both physically and psychologically, but Randy Pausch sure kept a positive attitude through the whole thing that amazed me.
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