Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff.

There's something to be said when a co-worker, another Administrator, reaches over to pat me on the back in hopes of consoling me....or maybe it was to encourage me.....
It felt like consoling.
Maybe I oughta just be 'okay' with the fact that he cared enough to extend the gesture.
I doubt my weak smile was much of a consolation to him.
I'll have to make the effort to connect with him at the start of this upcoming workweek.

We're headed for some difficult moments, him and I......

I was asked to keep the conversations (of which there were two) confidential.
I understand why--the circumstances and decisions that are yet to be made undoubtedly will affect a number of people.
I don't like not being able to discuss this with my 'first reports' even though I understand the need to not do that.
I don't like it.

I know more conversations will need to happen. I understand the circumstances that are driving the decisions. I have all the information I can have today.
That doesn't change how anxious I am.
That doesn't make it feel any better.

One way or another....things will change for me at the worksite.

All the scenarios that have been run past me as 'potentials' have left me wondering what my best choice will be.
It's a huge assumption that I'll have a choice.
The truth is, I may not be given one.

But there's always a choice, eh?
Even if it's not comfortable or popular or easy--there's a choice.



And the week started out so wonderfully.

We were graced with the bug for four days and three nights when her mama went to work out of state and her daddy agreed to hand her over while he was scheduled to be working longer hours north of where he generally works.
The 'bug alarm' was so much fun to awaken to. Little fingers pulling, arms spread wide, wee people giggles and gurgles--it was absolutely awesome. No part of having her was a chore--it was an absolute privilege and delight.
Meeting her mama and daddy at the airport was a treat in and of itself. It's just so awesome to see love in action between the girl, the pushover and the bug. As much as we love that bug--they love her in kind.
And c'mon.....watching granddad with the bug....... It don't get much better than that!

The boss is healing wonderfully--and he showed up for one of the two Administrator's meetings I had to attend this week. He made me cry.
Worse that than, he made me cry in front of people whom I'd never ever, EVER choose to let see me get even teary eyed.
Gotta love that man...he's good people and he's passionate about what it means to make a difference in the life of a child.....
Yup. Cried!!

Himself went off for the weekend which gave me the weekend to catch up and do somethings I'd not gotten around to.....simply cuz when it's the weekend, he's wanting to go and do and have company in the doings. It was WONDERFUL! He collected medals, I collected dust....LOL....well, not really--I caught up on stuff I'd been procrastinating and letting get away from me. And I had 'nothingness' time. Sweet, peaceful nothingness....


There's been some very awesome things during the past week that I've been graced with.
Good things, validating things....things that spoke to me very loudly about what matters.

These are the things I'll hold on to during these anxious times.

These are the things that matter.