The Healing Chair

Yesterday we had the party for the staff.

There was a crowd of people in that dining room. Seemed to me there were more people than usual. I know they were all mine, but gosh.....there were a lot of people.

Of course I got there late. The last one to arrive.

It wasn't me being irresponsible--I had to finish up a barrage of calls that arrived at the wrong time.
But--I was the last to arrive and predictably as a person of timeliness, got some joyous grief.
They added a table for me and kept up their chattering and laughing and eating.

I don't know at what point I pulled the chair that was behind me, to sit empty next to me.
I do know I musta got some far off look--my next in line somehow got my attention and asked if I was reminiscing. Yup--caught me....didn't even mean to be doing it....I just found myself 'there'.

I got choked up talking to them.
Now--that's generally not the case for me. I do a lot of talking with people about their own 'stuff', about hard stuff--emotional, gut wrenching stuff. The kiddos, the parents, the staff, the pigeons, family, friends...complete strangers sometimes..... Maybe it's a 'hazard of the job'--or a benefit, depending on how you look at it. But really....I don't go there often, to that place where everything is right there..... on my heart sleeve.


It was the empty chair.

We've had a lot of losses in this past year.

And I say 'we' because I'm privileged to work with a group of people who are so good at communicating with each other that they're 'tight'. Even with the new hires this year (a process that was longer than the admininstration felt 'comfortable with' because of the hunt for mission-based people and not just some degree looking to climb some ladder) they're a 'tight' crew of folks.
We get 'tight', we share well....We have to be constantly growing and stretching and keeping our own stuff in order.
It's required--we can't help someone get to a spot where we personally haven't arrived ourselves.
We don't expect one thing for ourselves and another for the kiddos and families we work with.
It just doesn't work that way.....
So we get 'tight', we get involved with each other on a level that most folks never come to know their work partners.

Their celebration is my celebration.
Their loss is my loss.

And there's been a lot of losses this year.
Fathers, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, daughters, sons, friends--work partners.

I sat next to that empty chair.
To honour that part of us that really -- is still healing from that.

No one took that seat.
I can't give a number to the times someone came to talk to me.....and put their hand on the chairs back and lightly touched it.....or rubbed it.....or patted it....

We are healing.


It's a slow heal....but we are healing.