"I have to get past that 'I want to be normal' thing. I need to let that go. That is never going to happen. This is it. It's taken me a long time to accept that "normal" is gone. And I still don't know that I accept it. But I need to. And I need to find joy in what my new 'normal' is."
That's not ME doing the talking. That was me doing the listening...to the sister....who's tried for a year plus to gain some ability to swallow liquid and has held on to the hope to eat 'normal' foods again.
She had her tongue cut out...her face ripped open, her tongue cut out and a hunk of her forearm grafted to the stub they left, hoping to give her the ability to talk and eat (to some degree). And then they poisoned and nuked the #!%€ out of her, hoping they'd cut out and killed off the cancer cells.
We hoped that, too.
That's been our biggest hope. And to date...no sign of the cancer. But we all know cancer lays in the weeds and waits. So we continue to hope and pray and celebrate the small victories....and the miracle that she's still here with us.
Do we give a #!%€ if she's able to snarf down pizza?!....no. She's huggin' her husband, holding hands with him as they wander through Disneyland...enjoying her ride through "It's a small world" cuz it's the only one she braves.
G-d has a very effective way in helping me gain perspective.
Oh, I know I'll still whine about my piddly arsed "loss of normal". I'm a whiner.
I also know it's a piddly arsed loss. And much like the sister, I'll be working on finding joy in what that new "normal" is.
We can do that together.
5 comments:
It takes a long time to adjust to changes but God always guides us through. I have often wondered how your sister is faring. It sounds as if you and she are being very positive about your situations. ((Mel))
Good to have an update on your sister, Mel. Man O Man! I just sent more healing her way - which is my form of prayer.
Her story really does put things into a new light. I've been whining (silently) about constant pain due to pulled muscles in my torso. Feels like broken ribs. When I need firewood, I get the wood, one piece in each hand at a time. Under my breath, I say, "Least this means I'm walking my butt off!"
And I say prayers of thanks that I haven't caught colds or the flu. Don't know how I'd ever be able to cough. To sleep at night, I make a mold of my body with pillows under the blankets. Learned that sleeping dead still on my back can actually happen.
The down side to having been so self-sufficient...no one offers to come over and bring in an armload of wood. Would it be any different if I was 95? Doubt it. Though older, I'm healthier and stronger than most of my closest friends.
And, Mel, there you are adjusting, adapting and accepting. (I'm going to be going over your past posts next.)
We learn to re-pattern life it seems. A tweak here, a ratchet up there, a bit of oil on that...
Thank the Universe we learn about taking one thing at a time. And to remember gratitude. Otherwise, the alternative would likely be a pity party that would render participants into apoplexy.
I hope that, should I ever need to be, that I'm as resilient as your sister. She's setting a good example even for a man she's never met. :)
Such beauty and grace, both of you cut from the same strong fabric.
It's okay to whine, isn't it mel?
as long as we throw in a few thank you's there at the end..
~laughing~
Okay....that was difficult to read. My heart really hurts for your sister. And Mel....you are an overcomer...I'm guessing your sis is too. No doubt you two have some big hurdles. I don't know which is really worse...but I think somehow you've got it better. Where's my magic wand? There it is. Phooey...it doesn't work. :-(
I've got something better, though....a God who holds you tight and guides you through the muck and mire. You're in my prayers each day...I'll add sis, too. I wish he'd choose to pull you out of your spots....but since he hasn't done that....we'll cling to his everlasting love....and that he is always with us. [hugs]
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