My pain is greater than yours!What an easy trap that can be for us. We are out to show others how victimized we have been, how much we hurt, how unfair life is, and what tremendous martyrs we are. And we won't be happy until we do!
We don't need to prove our pain and suffering to anyone. We know we have been in pain. We know we have suffered. Most of us have been legitimately victimized. Many of us have had difficult, painful lessons to learn.
The goal in growing past our hurts is not to show others how much we hurt or have hurt. The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.
If someone begins trying to prove to us how much he or she hurts, we can say simply, "It sounds like you've been hurt." Maybe all that person is looking for is validation of his or her pain.
If we find ourselves trying to prove to someone how much we've been hurt or if we try to top someone else's pain, we may want to stop and figure out what's going on. Do we need to recognize how much we've hurt or are hurting?
There is no particular award or reward for suffering, as many of us tricked ourselves into believing in the height of our codependency. The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment.
That is the gift of doing the work growing requires, and it is equally available to each of us, even if our pain was greater, or less, than someone else's.
4 comments:
My family tends to do the opposite: "I'm fine," when clearly I'm not fine.
That's probably even less healthy.
I agree with abbiestreethouse. A lot of us use the phrase "I'm fine" ... Joe does it all the time even when he's feeling at rock bottom with this cancer thing. I think he does it to reassure others but it doesn't help him any. Most people would like a bit of sympathy especially if they're alone in the world and feeling low.
This is so true! Sometimes acknowledgement is what is most needed.
xxx
Hmmmm....you've got me thinking...
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