Penny Dropping

I don’t know how we picked the conversation—I think I might have even started it when I brought up the anniversary……and I wanted to tell the Big Guy what was ‘good’, but given that I didn’t have anything really ‘good’ to measure it against (cuz I gotta compare, dontchaknow!), I reached for the only thing I did have to compare it to, experientially.. .

….and then I got this ‘nudge’ and a sense of what an injustice that was.  But I did note the stark difference. 

Nothing ugly has happened to me in this relationship.  Nothing that demonstrated a disrespect and total disregard for human dignity has happened to me in this relationship. 

That alone was reason to celebrate, wasn’t it?

Not enough……While that was a reason to celebrate, absence of anothers’ character defects wasn’t exactly what the Big Guy was looking for, apparently. We all have character defects, just as we all have assets.

The pressure was on….. I know pressure—it’s that silent waiting……

So I reminded Him that I almost didn’t do this marriage because I didn’t want to compromise my relationship with Him.  I didn’t want to end up divorcing Him for the relationship with himself, and I wasn’t convinced I could manage both successfully. 

He was.

He mighta been right…..

So I told Him where it’s landed what’s good and right 11 years later:

“We have fun together.

We can go on adventures just down the road.

We can go on adventures far away.

We like some of the same things.

We like just enough of NOT the same things. 

We can sit apart and we can sit together.

We can sit and say nothing.

We can sit and say a lot.

We can laugh with each other.

We can cry with each other.

We can spar with words and outwit each other.

We can be okay with what the other is.

We can be okay with what the other isn’t.

We know when to let go and when to hang on.

We can chase frogs and rainbows and sunsets-- and each other, if need be.

We can be the individuals we are—warts and all.

We can be the couple that we are—quirks and all.

We can love how we want to love..

We can be comfortable with each other.

We ARE……..comfortable with each other.

And we are comfortable together.”

“Comfortable.”

“Yaknow—the same sort of comfortable I’ve come to have in my relationship with YOU.”

There’s a penny dropping moment……

I’m pretty sure He was smiling.  I could feel Him smiling…..and I could feel this peace in me, even though I didn’t steer the course of the conversation….

And I was saying out loud…..

“Maybe it’s okay to be ‘comfortable’ in the relationship.  Maybe that’s a good thing.  Maybe there’s a certain degree of ‘rest’ you do and ‘peace’ you discover because it IS comfortable.

Maybe there’s more to being comfortable with the relationship and comfortable IN the relationship than I gave credit to….”

And that’s when I heard Him laugh.

He’s funny like that—wasn’t enough that I connected ONE dot, He wanted a good chunk of today’s picture connected ….dot to dot to dot….it’s a pretty cool picture, even unfinished.