More snow. *sigh* Not as much as they forecasted, of course, but more snow.
And no sign of the robins--which ain't a bad thing given we have....more snow.
It'll change, I know that. The problem is, I've added the 'more snow' to my list of 'stuff' that I'm keeping track of. And keeping track of 'stuff' is not exactly conducive to being present and grateful and centered and focused on what's in front of me. Zackly what IS in front of me?
Yup--just asking that questions makes me heart rate increase. Last week I could have people what was in front of me. Today I'm left with all these.......blank spots with uncertainty. I'm not so much good with uncertainty. So when that's there, I try the 'if/then' game--which doesn't zackly add to the 'present, grateful, centered, focus' deal.
*sigh*
Yes, I need the meeting this morning. Yes, I need to decide if I can actually get out of the driveway that the snow plough has shoved snow into. Yes, I need to do some talking....somewhere... about......all this junk I'm trying to sort through without going upside down in the process.
I think that's a bit of the issue--a bit angry with the physical stuff that I've been trying to contend with in the past year. A bit angry that I ended up with this pain issue that I didn't bargain for. I mean, seriously......I was hoping to get my life back following surgery. What did I end up with? Battery acid, glass shards and cupid trying to shoot his way out of my leg and foot--daily......every day.... I figured aches and pains would happen with the changing weather yadda yadda....but a few hundred bees stinging you when you step outside and the cold hits your leg wasn't one that I put into the equation.
A bit of acceptance would be a good thing......though I think that's a part of the screwed up thinking on my part. Sometimes I accept things that maybe I oughta tell the truth about JUST in case there's something I've missed. But ohhhhhhh nooooooo...... I've just been soldiering on and filing it under the 'well, that sucks...keep moving' category. Yup--talked with the PT folks and tried their suggestions to the 't'... Showing up every day in the past week trying to get something different.
Angry. Yup.....angry. I'm supposing that means somewhere in the mix I've let it evolve to depression cuz I do tend to turn the anger inward so I can gain some sense of manageability. *sigh*
Yup--I'll get my travel mug, fill it with coffee, check out the snow issue/solve it and make the meeting happen. And I'll stop 'arguing with life'......LOLOL Darn fairies.
3 comments:
Sometimes
reading a dear friend's tangle of woes
on yet another pain filled sleepless night
puts things in a somewhat sort of perspective.
Kindred souls..
We got the snow that passed by you. Instead of one inch of snow we woke up to 5 or 6 or 8 inches. A little hard to tell, because evidently the wind also did a little blowing while I tried to sleep.
But...having Poppy wake me up 13 times during the night because she wanted yet another lunch is nothing to having the sensation of being stung by a bazillion bees.
Some days it's hard. Our prayers seem futile. My situation hasn't changed and though some of yours has, you collected a bunch of unwanted stuff too. I'm still praying and believing for your healing.
I get the anger. And the resulting state.
When we drove home from Indy I realized that we didn't belong there any more than the man in the moon. We belonged back at our original station...before we got booted off the train. I can't change any of it, nor do the booters much care. This morning I was again reminded of my need to forgive. Again. The process will never end it seems. How many times must I forgive the same offense? Evidently, seventy time seven. ;) I might be getting close to that number....and then we know that number will just grow. Yes?
I'm so sorry for your spot right now....{{{{{Mel}}}}
I hope you 'made' the meeting...
Hey Mel, my heart breaks with all you are going through. There are times when life has a bump in the road that just sucks. It is understandable you are angry and depressed, I know I would be.
I can relate a little more as Vi's situation is some what similar. Life sometimes just doesn't seem fair, but it is what it is.
Mel, please instead of internalizing let it out. Rant, rave, cry, vent what ever it takes. You have my email address. I am a good listener.
You mention depression. I have been there done that and know it is no fun. If you are aware of it. I hope you are taking steps to deal with it.
Mel, we have never met and likely never will. We have been blogging friends for about 10 years now. Both Vi and I have come to care about you and for you.
Hey, I am going to be watching my email. If I don't hear from you, I am going to figure out some way to give you a cyber/virtual kick in the butt.
Take care my friend.
You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers
Bill
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