When I get angry, I do stupid shit.There's no other way to put it....I really do stupid shit.
Eventually I say things to shove people the other direction.
Eventually, I try to make 'em 'unlove' me.
I put this emotional distance between me and the other person/persons.
Most of the times it's not even noticeable--til it's huge and it comes across as emotional distancing. By then I'm not inches away---I'm vast crevasses away, standing alone, convinced that I LIKE it that way and it oughta/needs to be that way....that somehow it's the 'right' thing to do. So pffffffffffffft on anyone who tries to tell me different.....
I don't like 'acting as if' I'm emotionally close to people, knowing I'm across the crevasse already and half gloating that I moved and nobody noticed but me. 'Half gloating'....there's an accurate, sick kinda description of it.......don't 'like' it but gloating cuz I pulled it off without getting caught?
Kinda nice over on the crevasse, though....untouchable by the closeness, no guilt attached, smug in the knowledge that I'm over here and they're over there.....
*waving*
Hellooooooooo over there......you can't touch me!
Nah nah nah nah nahhhhhh nah!
Oh.....that's probably really accurate.
Can't nobody touch me, over there....nobody...nothin'......
19 comments:
Dearest Mel, You are very much like I have been, how I can be now at times so I do fully understand what you're talking about because I've done it myself.
Guess what? If you ever tried that with me I'd jump over the crevasse and keep jumping because I really am the type who never lets go...yanno, one of those cancer-crab types who would rather lose her pinchers than to let go of those I care about.
I love you - no matter what.
Aha. I'm already over that side of the crevasse, ensuring that I'm untouchable.
Now what are we going to do?
:(
Don't go too far...good news over this side!
:D
Ah, Mel.
There you go. "Protecting" yourself from the love (and YOUR love) of others.
I know how easy it is to do this, but I also know how GOOD it is to be on the same side.
You've offered your thoughts and advice on this to so many of us when we've needed it.
Make THAT advice your TFDT. And tomorrow......
((((((mel))))))
Make the jump!
love you...
G
Oh! Oh! *waving arm in air* Call on me, I know this one!
When things get tough we can do one of two things, we can either look inside of ourselves and for the strength that has been there along, hidden behind layers of emotional garbage, or we can push everyone away and pretend that we already found it.
C:)
What G said, coz I know you know.
xox
((((((mel))))))
Yes, well,Mel, our bizzare pychic wavelenght seems to be right on course ,, a friend said to me yesterday "you are so distant from your partner"
I know I am...and I really think it is me holding onto anger,and underneath that, hurt,but I am realizing what a huge effort it takes to keep that distance going...unfortunatly its like training a puppy, the further we distance ourselves, the harder our loved ones run after us, and then we run even further (in my case anyway). Sometimes just staying still helps.
you are aware of your stuff,which in itself, will chnge it (((((Mel)))))
I have this little ugly pink bear that my kid won out of one of those crane machines. It sits by my bed. When ever the voices start telling me " I am unworthy, untouchable, guilty or some other nonsense, I pick up that pink roadkill bear and say " I hear you, Now shut the f*ck up!"
whatever works...
Mooooooo.....
Maybe I'm being extra slow here but you don't actually say you have crossed your crevasse - just that it's something you've done before.
So I ask, have you?
And since there's nothing I can tell you that you don't already know about this situation, I also ask, what are you going to do about it?
Angry-scared? That's understandable.
Love and hugs :)
Oh and I love the coffee on the wall :)
Wow, reading that made me realize I've done that with some people I love, but I don't know how to get back.
I just had a good little cry when I realized that with the exception of my hubby and little girl, I've distanced myself from almost everyone I care about.
What the hell is wrong with me???
Guess I need to work on figuring that out.
Thank you for another eye-opening post Mel.
Sending hugs to you through the blogosphere, crevasse's and all.
Aw...isn't it kind of lonely, all the way on the other side of the Grand Canyon, though? I mean, nobody can hurt you ... but nobody can hug you, either!
((((((((everyone)))))))))
<---knows one of the biggest lies she's told herself is the ol' "You can guard your heart if you JUST don't do a, b and c!"
<---knows the answer is and always has been in HER (you're a smart one Mr. A!)
<---knows she's scared and angry and needed a good look at that crevasse and the lie that creates it
<---knows she's graced to have such loving, caring people in her path to remind her of what's good and true.....even if they DO throw popcorn at her and run away really fast (the big chickens!) LOL
but I want to touch you with a hug
(((((((((((((((mel))))))))))))))))
(((((( dave ))))))))
(((((((( Trish ))))))))))
(((((( simple! )))))))))
What everyone else said.
(With special mention to Mig for being so perceptive).
(((((Mel)))))
(((Mel)))
I think we ALL do this, we're not just all good at being aware of it, acknowledging it & addressing it!
Evening Mel~
Thanks for your total and refreshing honesty here!!!!
Hey, you said something very enlightening with this post.
You said that you like it that way and it oughta/needs to be that way...that somehow it's the right thing to do.
There you go...it IS the right thing for YOU to do.
Bear Hug....{{{{{MEL}}}}}
P.S. I LOOOOOVE the coffee photo!!!
catching up....yet again...
yeah...I know about getting angry and doing stupid shit. (I can NOT remember the last time you posted a word like this....laughing)
for me the distancing gig is indicative of the hermit thing...
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