"Takin' care of Mel"

Yesterday morning I went to my PT appointment HAPPILY reporting that something was different because it was the first day in FOREVER that I could put my left arm on my leg as I drove without immediately withdrawing it from the painful shooting glass shards.  It was the best day I'd had in the past two months.

And then...Another fine mess.

I don't know how this one evolved, frankly.  I do--but I don't.
Other than I failed to let others help me.....again.  Failed to tell the boss where things were at soon enough, maybe?  Failed to ask to take some time--though I doubt that would have changed where I'm at?

I understand people's perceptions.
And yes, there's something wrong with Mel.  Gee, golly--that's been the truth for way too long, unfortunately.

No, I'm not agitated with the conversations, no--I'm not in disagreement with the decision and the 'shift' in approaches/therapies.  No, I'm not feeling in 'conflict' with my administration.
Yes, I understand how I was perceived.  When I get up in the midst of a meeting, walk around frowning and 'leave the process physically, mentally and emotionally' of course it looks like disconnect. Frankly, sometimes it is disconnect while I'm trying to breathe and do what I need to do to manage stuff.  But while I'm doing that--I'm not managing.  Undoubtedly, that's the perception--to some degree, that's a reality.  And of course it matters that I've given others the perception that I'm not on the same page as my administrators, including my administrators.

So, welcome to the week of 'taking care of Mel'.  Frankly, I'm not certain what I'm suppose to accomplish in this week.  If I had different solutions I'm pretty sure I'd be using them.  I don't LIKE constantly battling......this. 
So.......I need to quit being emotional about all this.   I need to get about planning how I'm going to spend this 'taking care of Mel' week and get moving.
Jumping on a plane to LA isn't an option.
I have strengthening exercises I have to show up at the PT's office to do at least three days a week.
I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday--where I'll, once again....hold the man hostage until he tells me what we're going to do different.  Cuz obviously this ain't working good enough.


The afternoon sucked.
~~
Go figure this morning sucks, too...physically.
I didn't do anything different, 'cept get stressed emotionally and lose sleep by waking up how many times for who knows what reason....*sigh*