Sleeping with Bread

When did I feel most drained of life?

I'd have to say Wednesday. Half way through the day I was doing all I could do to be present at the workplace. I had one of those 'left side' headaches that leaves me near worthless to the world. I was trying pretty hard to not let it be what it was--it was himself's birthday and I was feeling pretty crappy that I was going to somehow take from the day by not being 'up to' some things.
I don't like affecting him like that.
He says it's no big deal. Somehow it still feels like it is.
Getting home cinched it for me. I'd managed to stay pretty together until I got in the moving vehicle.
I didn't even want to let it be done deal even when I walked into the house and made a b-line for the bathroom.
'Gimme a few minutes and it'll be better' was followed by himself pushing me to the bedroom.
Sometimes he's plain smarter than me.
Drained of life--absolutely, positively.....and I really detest that feeling of having to check out and surrender.

When did I feel most alive?
Oddly enough that was when I was getting tests done Monday.
That shows you just how much I know about what's good for me. I wasn't particularly looking forward to showing up.

I didn't get all of the tests done that doc wanted me to have done--thank you silly snowstorm for that one--but the very act of getting to show up for tests knowing that I've been graced with time while other's haven't been...very much a 'filled with life' moment.

I had my blood drawn at the oncologist's office and got to rub elbows with some of the nursing staff that I hadn't seen for a few years now.
"Oh my G-d---you look fantastic!!" "Can I say how GOOD it is to see you?" "Well, there's trouble! Gosh have we missed your brand of trouble around here!" (some things I'm just 'known' for....LOL)
It really WAS good to see those gals. I forget that it's not all about MEMEME, what makes Mel comfy.....I bet it WAS good for them to see 'a walking miracle'. Probably AS good as it was for me to sit next to the young gal with A.L.L. who was waiting for her chemotherapy appointment.
Hopefully it was good for that gal, too.
Been in that chair multiple times...I know the fear that you sit in.

I didn't like that I couldn't get all the testings done Monday.
But ya know....maybe there's someone I'm suppose to cross paths with, come that next appointment.
I'd hate to miss that opportunity.
I darn near missed Monday's opportunities when I was tossing around the idea of canceling the appointment all together.
I'm eternally grateful that I didn't.....I'da missed all those wonderful messages and all those wonderful opportunities, too.
Thank G-d for having His own plans....