Happy Birthday to the boy.
He turned 22 today.
And I'm grateful.
Really I am.
There was a time I was convinced he wouldn't 'see' 22.
I kept getting in his path trying to ensure he'd be alive to see 22...until I moved his insurance policy atop of mine and 'let go'.
I got to see him on Friday when he appeared to pay his respects.
Not the funnest of circumstances to begin with, but there you have it.
I know it was an awkward moment for him...
....and for the mother of his children.
It felt more sad than anything else to me.
He and I have some sad circumstances between us.
We chatted a little. Or rather, he chatted with his sister.
He couldn't quite look me in the eye.
Fact is, he barely looked in my direction.
But he looks good.
Whole arm scorpion tatoo, minus the piercings (professed to his sister he always takes them out when he's going to be entering a church)....healthy, almost happy ....maybe happy if he weren't feeling the awkwardness?
I got the sense there's happiness IN him.
That brings me a great sense of peace.
We almost didn't have 22 happen.
I know this.
Somewhere in him I know he knows this as well.
But he's on the planet today. And he looks better than I've seen him look in years.
At 22--isn't that a horribly sad but powerfully joyous thing?
If it took me getting out of his way to bring him here, I'm so grateful.
Hole in my heart that there is.....I'm grateful.
Happy Birthday, Boy.
May you come to know more happiness and joy in this deal we call 'life'.
You really are loved beyond, beyond........
8 comments:
You know mel, to me the story of G-d is the story of a parent raising children and learning(the hard way) to let go. But, that is just me, and we both know I can't be trusted. C;)
And, the story of us... well it should be clear that we are just about to turn 22.
Aw Mel.....
Having children is so hard and it's so much harder when we can't see them as much as we wish we could.
I have one son down in NM and I know he's on a bad path and has been for some years and I just keep wishing I could DO something, but even when we went to visit him it was very apparent that he is the only one who can and at this time he's unwilling.
We love them so much it hurts and it just hurts being a parent sometimes.....if that makes sense.
Hugs Mel!
Hugs and love.
I don't know what to say. I hope there will come a day when he will embrace you again.
(((((mel)))))
sending you some of those peaceful thoughts too - they work, you know
The joy that they're making it, finally and the sadness for what they've missed. I know that. Youngest was 23 last week!
Aw, I don't know what to say other than this post touched me deeply.
(((Hugs))) to you Mel.
it makes me catch my breath
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