The process of detaching in love from family members can take years.
So can the process of learning how to react in a more effective way.
We cannot control what they do or try to do, but we can gain some sense of control over how we choose to react.
Stop trying to make them act or treat us any differently.
Unhook from their system by refusing to try to change or influence them.
Their patterns, particularly their patterns with us, are their issues.
How we react, or allow these patterns to influence us, is our issue. How we take care of ourselves is our issue.
We can take care of ourselves with family members without feeling guilty.
We can learn to be assertive with family members without being aggressive.
We can set the boundaries we need and want to set with family members without being disloyal to the family.
We can learn to love our family without forfeiting love and respect for ourselves.
5 comments:
Such a hard lesson for me. But for my own sanity I have had to detach completely from my Mom. Learning to feel less guilty is getting easier.
Okay, this is like PERFECT for me today, Mel, because I just recently went through something with certain family members.
"Their patterns, particularly their patterns with us, are their issues.
How we react, or allow these patterns to influence us, is our issue. How we take care of ourselves is our issue."
Great reminder! And thank you, dear lady!
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Mel, do you write these? All this time, I've been thinking they were excerpts...
If they are yours, I'm very embarrassed. They are so good.
I hope you let me know - I don't receive notices of any response to comments made here, if you do respond.
This is such a hard lesson. I have a family member that is a constant drain on the family but we all feel "responsible" for him and we all end up in fights and other frustrating situations because we try to change him knowing we cant. Trying to detach is such a hard battle even though we all know in time we have to. Thanks for sharing this.
Ah! This is awfully relevant to me right now.
Looking hard at some patterns!
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