In this past week: What was my greatest desolation? What was my greatest consolation?
She's having surgery the 15th--which is Monday. Stage 4 ovarian cancer-going to Ohio to be treated has given her almost five years. You can count the number of people who survive five years of Stage 4 ovarian cancer on one hand.
And Friday--we talked.
She finally heard the oncology surgeon.
This will kill her......she's on borrowed time. Monday's surgery involves the removal of another multitude of tumors and a colostomy. They'll hope to buy enough time to put her back on the treatment which gave her remission earlier.
She's finally got a sense of how real this is. Five years of granted time--and she was finally able to 'hear' that she'll die from this......or complications from it.
We talked Friday.
She cried.
She's scared.
She's got a pregnant daughter, another who's recently attempted to take herself from the planet.....she's not ready to leave them behind--not ready to be 'done' being the mother, sister,daughter, friend, co-worker that she is.
I reminded her she's a child of G-d....and she's been graced to be allowed to be here.
But all G-d's kiddos get to go home.
She gets the privilege of knowing that's a part of the equation.
She can choose what to do with that knowing.
I hope for her to choose wisely.
My greatest desolation this week has been watching this all unfold-- for her...and for the people around her.
She's an awesome woman--this is not what I wanted for her.
But I don't get to make the call.
And how many times have those very things I've judged as 'bad', evolved into greatness?
This has been my greatest consolation:
...that I'm still a horrid 'judge' of what's 'good' for others.
...that I'm not in the position of 'deciding' for another human being.
...that I, too, am a child of G-d.....and I've been graced to be allowed to be here. And as one of G-d's kiddos--I'll get to 'go home'. I get the privilege of knowing that's a part of the equation. I get to choose what I do with that knowing.
...that G-d will take what appears to be the awfullest of circumstances and use them to create wondrously, awesome things.
7 comments:
Morning Mel...
Please know, that I'm always sharing MUCH healing energy and love with you and your daughter.
You are loved, Mel!
P.S. oh, yea....and here's a BIG hug too..
{{{{{{Mel and Daughter}}}}}}}
what you say is what gets those on this journey through the journey.
i want to believe what you're saying. most do believe. i can pretend that i believe this to be true, but i don't...
..which makes it difficult to accept circumstances like these.
my thoughts to you and those involved. (((mel)))
[[[[[{{{{{Mel}}}}}]]]]]
That's more like total envelopment.
First, G-d would never give you more than you could handle. And isn't you family, all of them, lucky that G-d gave them you. G-d may work in mysterious ways, but not always.
This may be the best post I have ever had the priviledge to read. It is a unique view of existence and being, yet so easy to live with. All is where it belongs, nothing is made easier, yet the love and tenderness is self-evident. This post was written by the smartest Fairy of them all, because in a later post, Mel told us how closed she is.
You are Mel, and I am grateful for that. Thank you so much!
I am praying for your daughter, and you and your family. In the meantime, I have already put in the existential fix. I'll double up for tomorrow. It'll be fine. Ohio State at Columbus?
monty
Again, Mel, I don't know what to say. I can't imagine what you OR your daughter is going through.
Thank you so much for opening yourself up in this post and sharing with us.
I'll have the linking up post ready tomorrow. I hope you'll share this with others.
{{{{{{{mel}}}}}}}
God will take what appears to be the awfullest of circumstances and use them to create wondrously, awesome things.
God will take what appears to be the awfullest of circumstances and use them to create wondrously, awesome things.
God will take what appears to be the awfullest of circumstances and use them to create wondrously, awesome things.
amen
So many people are lucky that you're their friend.
Us here included.
(((((((((((( Mel )))))))))))
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