"Off" woulda sufficed.
I won't go shopping at the grocery store. I concurred with himself on that--he'd already reached that conclusion when I managed to tell the 'amusing' tale of my moment with Captain Morgan. WHY Captain Morgan, I have no clue. I was a tequila drinker--straight shot with lemon and salt, ty. Captain Morgan?! Eeshhhhh.....pass. Only, I almost didn't.
I told himself I would stand in line 10 feet long and refuse the 'speedy checkout' line--but I'm thinking NONE is a good answer for today.
I'd lie and do the 'Where did THAT come from'....but I've a pretty good idea of where that came from. Ya don't have to be a rocket scientist to do that math.
I'd lie and do the 'Where did THAT come from'....but I've a pretty good idea of where that came from. Ya don't have to be a rocket scientist to do that math.
I'm pretty clear I moved and G-d didn't.
And I'm pretty clear how all that happened.
And I'm pretty clear how all that happened.
I don't do well when I get fearful.
THERE'S a news flash.
I especially don't do well when I'm fearful and choose to make the answer 'self reliance'.
I especially don't do well when I'm fearful and choose to make the answer 'self reliance'.
Dance faster, work harder, DO more.
I know better.
I get tired AND fearful.
BAD plan.
BAD plan.
No.
I didn't go home with Captain Morgan.
By the time the gal actually started scanning the few items I had my mind had played out a number of scenarios--none of which ended with me 'being caught'.
Well, of course I wouldn't 'be caught'. I'm slicker than that.
And then the gal started showing off the other cute little bottles as I tried to backtrack "I'm not going home with this--I just think it's a cute little bottle."
By the time the gal actually started scanning the few items I had my mind had played out a number of scenarios--none of which ended with me 'being caught'.
Well, of course I wouldn't 'be caught'. I'm slicker than that.
And then the gal started showing off the other cute little bottles as I tried to backtrack "I'm not going home with this--I just think it's a cute little bottle."
I just think it's a cute little bottle?!
A cute little bottle?!
She was kind enough to show me the collection of four 'cute little bottles' of rum in a fun little box.
And the Big Guy was kind enough to let a tinge of sanity strike in between the warp speed insanity of 'cute', 'small', 'portable', 'hideable', 'a couple swallows in the car', 'won't get caught', 'don't even haffta drink it--it's just cute.......'
O M G ?! Get in, get out......without any of the 'cute little bottles'.
I got out.
And it took me four hours before I managed to wrap it in an amusing package for sharing.
Only it really wasn't amusing.
And even though he laughed at my presentation, he concluded later that I simply didn't need to go into the store. Period.
Nice conclusion for this moment--probably a wise one.
Undoubtedly a wise one.
Nice conclusion for this moment--probably a wise one.
Undoubtedly a wise one.
That I used the word 'probably' before I corrected it......pretty good indication that I'm not where I need to be.
I hate being fearful.
Almost as much as I hate crying and throwing up.
Almost as much as I hate crying and throwing up.
Maybe more.........
9 comments:
Well, I think "I" coulda written this post because I get the same way when I'm fearful. In fact, I had a day yesterday, that made me feel 'off' because I was feeling fearful over something and I acted like a banshee all day - HA!
"Almost as much as I hate crying and throwing up."
I'm the same way, Mel!! Not so much as I hating crying, but more so because I hate throwing up. I would rather have any other kind of illness than throwing up.
Sending ya a BIG huge, dearest lady!
((((( Mel )))))
X
I feel for you Mel. I don't know exactly how you're feeling but I do feel for you. I do know a little bit about what it's like to feel out of control. And I know a little bit about what it's like to live in a situation where alcohol is one of the main characters. I feel for you dear. I'm so glad your higher power is there with you now. xoxo, diane
just one more thing. call your sponsor. ok 2 more things. go to a meeting. love, diane
Mel,
I have never traveled on that same road. There is "living it, for real" and there is not.
I have seen others struggle and win, others struggle and lose.
I think there is no "long-term" project; it's a day-to-day one, to arm wrestle with "Captain Morgan" or whoever and try your darn best.
Will you accept a virtual hug?
(((((Mel))))
The Big Guy was talkin' to me too, but I had Ego, (Edge G-d Out). I didn't listen and took the plunge. I'm sorry for that action to be sure, but it doesn't erase what happened. The only one that cared was me. I did the steps, told the truth, shared with another hiuman being, and another and another. Everyone is so damn proud of me that I went so long and did so much. They left me to hold onto it and keep it festering in my own brain.
I am glad for you. You did what we should do when we are troubled and our feelings are making us feel like the old way is the answer. I'm not jealous. I don't resent. I'm not mad. I'm not sad. (I'm soundling like Dr. Seuss now). Good for you. I can learn from it.
Thanks for that, thanks that you are in one piece.
Peace
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MEL)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Oh I would love to reach out to hug and comfort you. Let's try and think fearless not fearful as difficult as it may be. Reach out to those that understand and you can lean on. They are out there I am sure. A private battle is too difficult.
Take care.
Oh Mel, sending you love and hugs. And well done, especially well done for sharing it both with Himself and here.
Big big hugs.
xxx
Excellent decision. There's nothing so bad that the good Captain - and all his "crew" - can't make worse.
Big huge grateful hug to you, Mel.
I just got to the 25th. Hang in here with me. I don't want to be lonely.
sharing, it's easier when you do the right thing,
easier when you throw in some humor.
not easy when it's not where you wanted to find yourself.
harder yet when you have to look yourself in the eye and let it go.
You are one smart
loving
cookie.
( you know that right?)
grateful for you being out there,
walking and sharing it..
every time.
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