Oh, the potential........

TODAY I will see each disappointment in my life as a challenge to discover the negative or limited beliefs which keep me from seeing myself as a person of unlimited resources and potential.

The good news:

• the reading book is not in the middle of the hallway...coulda been....isn't....
• the roads were passable, albeit a bit slick in spots, for today's ortho appointment
• the doctor looks amazingly handsome in a suit and tie--and I told him so
• I get to start physical therapy this week
• I get to have the physical therapy done locally, which saves me/he-who-does-it-all the two plus hours of drive time--twice a week forEVER.....LOL
• I get to start putting weight on the left leg--some, not the full weight, but weight nonetheless
• I get to take the stupid brace OFF when sitting and when laying down
• I MIGHT actually get a decent night's sleep as a result of not having to sleep with a brace on!
• I told the doc I bought sensible shoes--since I was relatively convinced that 2" (or better) heels would be disallowed--he told me the shoes I had on were PERFECT....which means I sorta have a doctor's order to buy a few more Rocket Dog tennis shoes of the funky kind.  LOL  
• I have a 'pass' to return to work--4 hours a day....sitting only (woohooo!!), for the next six weeks
• The nurse told me I could drive!  (we're not talking about what the neurotic one around this joint said....)

The notsogood news:

• They readjusted the brace that I have to continue to wear--so it's very stiff/rigid when putting weight on the leg.  It's tighter than tight and it doesn't feel nice.  I have to swap comfort ...for stability.
• The x-ray showed very little additional healing since the last visit.  The doc wants to press on anyway--it's been 13 weeks and he's hoping that the inclusion of weight and movement actually help the healing to happen, as it apparently sometimes does.  He wanted me to have the information--I appreciate the honesty.  Face it, I have a not 'tip top' body--it's been through a LOT in this lifetime.  I guess I wasn't particularly surprised at the information, given that fact....just.......dunno....
• But I do know--Neither of the above facts lends to helping me feel secure and happy about the process I'm now entering into.  I did ask how I'm going to know if I'm just damaging what's not healing fast enough--he assures me I'll know and the x-rays will show it.
• six WEEKS of half days working?  k.......YEAH and YIPPEE!!!!
• I'm notsomuch thrilled at the prospect of 13 weeks being for naught.  He's not willing to talk about the what next--he's wanting to see what shows after 6 weeks of trying to coax my femur into happily healing MORE.  He and I have been on the same page as far as trying for natural healing as opposed to screws and plates and massive surgeries.  He wants to be positive--and he knows my body isn't going to warp into any state, given all that's it's already had to go through.  Bless his little heart and cool tie.

I've scheduled the physical therapy--they'll connect with the ortho doc so they know the specifics and concerns, undoubtedly they don't wanna create harm to the healing--though I do think his order is really, really specific.

I've tried to connect with the boss who had his own medical 'stuff' today.  Might not happen til tomorrow.  I've rung my first reports (the folks who've been fulfilling my duties) and let them know the good news...and the not so good news.  They were all about the good news!  We have lunch scheduled at a little diner for tomorrow--and I'll show up.

What the rest of my returning to the work place will look like, I'm unsure.  But I am clear that my employer gets to decide if they want me to return with those limitations and those facts about the situation.  They're awesome to work for, and I'll trust their decision.  I know they have to make their best decision, given the circumstances and the conditions for release to work.

Yaknow.....I sit here with fingers to keyboard and I know I sound fairly together--understanding, trusting, wanting to be hopeful....willingly honest. 

And truth is, I really am trying to look for the potential in the situation, the opportunities in the challenge.....  

Right now...... all I can fathom--is that sickening pain that comes with a leg that folds under itself from a break.  

That one's fresh in my brain, even after 13 weeks.

That BEST not be what the doc was talking about when he told me 'You'll know..and the x-rays will show it'.

I'm demanding that nifty tie as payment in kind if that's what happens.....