Ego or identity?

Ya know.......as much as I kvetch and poke fun of wisepersoninmylife, I know how graced I am to have him and him (cuz technically there are two of those old farts messin' about in my business, today).

Those two are prime examples of my failings to let things look how they truly ARE.

I make it out to be a chore, getting to have those old farts in my life.

And that's probably the furthest thing from the truth.

Yeah, yeah.......there's still that tenth step journal that's making the rounds back and forth so I'm accountable (though wisepersoninmylife did mention that we're almost to the ending point of that--wooohooooo for me being that darn good..LOL). And there's a bit of poking and prodding that happens cuz ....(shhhhhhhhh don't tell) I'm not the most cooperative 'lemme rush out and do that' kinda person.

Fact is, sometimes I glare at wisepersoninmylife and out and out say "nope....NOT doing it and you can't make me!"..........and then I go about the business of 'doing it anyway'.

*sigh*

Me and this need to appear oppositional, unwilling and uncooperative.....what IS that all about?!

I mean, what's the big deal about letting myself look JUST as willing as I am?

It's not like my whole being is wrapped up in being a defiant little poopus.....or is it?

*sigh*

Picture this:

Wisepersoninmylife suggests I get back with a person I was offensive to. (yeah....that'll happen once in a while--me and my big mouth....*sigh*

"NO. He was an ass! Why am *I* the one who needs to go back and apologize?!"

Calm explanations and expectations follow-- and I'm still resistive.

"He can kiss my @%#!!"

More calm statements.

"FINE!"

This is where wisepersoninmylife can work hard and FAIL at not looking smug.

"I already apologized to him yesterday......so pffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttt!"

WHY?

Cuz I can, apparently.

Wisepersoninmylife puts up with a whole LOT of grief like that.

And keeps coming back for more.

Poor soul.........he's definitely 'earned' his place in heaven, getting to work with the likes of me... And he NEVER fails to remind me of that fact. LOL

Obviously some of it's good ol' "PLAY".

I enjoy messin' with him.....plain and simple.

But I do have this HUGE barrier to just LETTING myself look willing and cooperative.

"Compliant" isn't my deal.

*sigh*

k........it's more my deal today than it's ever been.........

But let it LOOK compliant? ICK!

*sigh*

I love wisepersoninmylife.
He knows it...........both of 'em know it cuz I've told them how much they're loved.

But let it LOOK like that........DOUBLE ICK!

*sigh*

Ego.

There's just too much of my ego wrapped up in the crap that I dole out to those fellas.

Identity...maybe that's a more accurate word?

Nah. LOL EGO!

Pride and Ego.

.....still.........

Oy...oy....oy.....