I looked backwards--here.
As in opened last years posts in October.
It was a sucky month.
Fact is, it's not been a real pretty year.
Gotta wonder if the Big Guy isn't trying to tell me something. Frankly, I've not had a 'bad year' in........geeze..........I can't remember when.
That I'm not leaving moments IN the moment, is pretty telling.
I've wrapped up the circumstances as the whole year.
That ain't cool.
It isn't what I BELIEVE.
True.
It's evolving into what I practice--and that's a scary piece to have to look at.
I said it out loud today.
"This has been a difficult year."
Okay, that's sorta kinda true--there's been a whole lot of unpleasant, worrisome incidents--circumstances that have tipped the scales (that I've allowed to LET tip the scales) over to 'that end of the spectrum'.
They're circumstances. They're NOT destiny. They're meant to help me move from point A to point B.
And go figure I've kicked and screamed the whole way--kept track of every rotten moment (apparently) and chalked it up to a whole freaking YEAR of disastrous happenings.
And go figure I've kicked and screamed the whole way--kept track of every rotten moment (apparently) and chalked it up to a whole freaking YEAR of disastrous happenings.
Have good things transpired?
Oh yeah......great joys along the way, I'm sure.
I'm just hard pressed to list them at this moment.
I've been hard pressed to list them for some time.
I don't put them in black and white to pull up a year later to celebrate.
I don't put them in black and white to pull up a year later to celebrate.
I'm doing what doesn't work.
I'm tracking the crap to ensure that I'm 'entitled' to feel and think as I have just went back to witness.
Crappy.
What IS my problem?!
I know more.
I know how to do different.
And tonight I skipped the meeting. It starts in just a few minutes--and it's 20 minutes away.
Instead I flipped back to a year ago and validated "Yup--it's been a SUCKY year".
Instead I flipped back to a year ago and validated "Yup--it's been a SUCKY year".
I can hear WPIML: "How's that workin' for ya, Mel?"
My initial response is ALWAYS 'It's not.......'
And his point is always "Must be--you're still doing it....."
Yup.
He's right.
Ain't working for the GOOD....but I'm still doing it.
Best I get willing to take a look at what I AM getting out of it, even if it's embarrassing to put down in black and white, it's the only way I know how to get OUT of point A and get to point B SANELY.
Best I get willing to take a look at what I AM getting out of it, even if it's embarrassing to put down in black and white, it's the only way I know how to get OUT of point A and get to point B SANELY.
Oh, this ain't gonna be pretty.......
4 comments:
Honestly, Mel, I think it's healthy and postitive to look backwards and review our years.
And I believe you figured out very intuitively the reason why we sometimes have years that seem more challenging than others.
"They're circumstances. They're NOT destiny. They're meant to help me move from point A to point B."
((((( Mel )))))
X
Here is what I hear you saying:
"I'm a diabetic and if I eat candy, my blood sugar will gom up and I'll feel like crap. Pass the candy dish please"
No wait, that's what I do. You're more like, "Geex, I wish this crap was over or I'd get over it and think about something else."
Is that right? Have I got it?
Prayers and positive energy sent your way.
Peace
at the end of a day, the difficult years and months are what makes up a life lived to the full
that's what I tell myself these days, anyhow
Ahhhh Mel.
I'm looking forward to this upcoming year, cause...yeah...the past year has not been real pretty.
Circumstances, not destiny.
okay.
I know point A.
B?
hmmm.
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