Sleeping with Moldy Bread....

I think it's fair to say this has NOT been one of my most shining weeks.  I've let the frustrations and limitations get in the way--and I've been 'snarky'.  Obviously.

Suddenly 'desolation' fits.  It's the four months worth of having to depend on others, having to rearrange my responsibilities in life and the process of trying to claim some of that BACK that's getting all the air time.  It's the news that I've watched on the television. It's the clash of what I want to believe, what I DO believe... and what I see.
It's the personal,  unanswered questions-- the interferences in the process of physically moving forward and my PRIDE that's doing the headbutting with others.  I've ceased saying 'thank you' and started to say 'really.....I need to be able to do that' (and that's at times when I think I'm saying it NICELY....). Toss in a bit of fear--over what I cannot control, over being solo in two weeks--......yes.... I have a self created MESS.

NOT my most loving week.
And I won't 'let' myself just 'be where you are'.....mostly cuz it's NOT a pretty place.
It ain't pretty--at all.

EPIC fail in 'acting as if'--I'm all over the map.  PRETTY sure that's my clue--I've not been using what's dropped in front of me to GET centered..too busy being....snarky.  *sigh*

Here's a REALLY good indicator--I got flowers yesterday.  FLOWERS.  As in some pretty cut flowers just for me.  I adore he-who-brought-them-to-me-with-a-smile.  I know he's trying to make my life a bit happier and easier.  The intention was pure on his part.  And I appropriately accepted them and gushed over them cuz they ARE pretty.......the whole time KNOWING I've been a schmuck.

A snarky schmuck.

Things will get different.
And THINGS don't get to decide for me....even though I've been LETTING THEM.
Yes, I know--how horribly human of me.....*sigh*
Here's a well known fact--I DON'T LIKE BEING HUMAN.

So...  Problem/Solution.
I move ME.
Get off the dime, out of the desert and get on with the business of BEING all that I AM.

I have time today--I'll pull out the things that get me centered in the passion, in the dream to bring TO the lives of others.  Cuz certainly, that's been down on the list of priorities this week, snarky schmuck that I've been.....
And I'll let myself LET GO.  As many times as I need to.

Things and circumstances don't get to decide for me.

I'd pick up the fairy reading book in the hallway--but I've done that ....and tossed it again.
That is NOT a good indicator........