We're having babies tomorrow........

Two of 'em. Twins....... And tomorrow I'll get to become a grandmother.

This was the topic whilest we were coming back from doctor's appointments.
Oh yeah........doctors.
Good news -- not a whole lot of change in my vision in the past two years. Weird news--the doc had an aunt who had A.L.L. and is celebrating her tenth year of remission....eerily enough, she had the same oncologist I had. The doc insisted I come back next year cuz one of the places that leukemia shows up first....is in the eyes. (so he says...LOL.......I'm sure it's great for business? LOL) That's all the Brit needed to hear. I shoulda left him in the office!! He made a return appointment for a year from now......oy........
And.........Blood tests got done before the eye doctor. It's just that time of year.
Maybe that lent to the conversation about babies happening.
Maybe it was the call from the girl who was on her way to be WITH the boy for the delivery of the twins.
I'm having a 'feeling'--and it's NOT my favorite 'feeling' to be dealing in!!

8a.m. tomorrow babies are going to happen.

So we talk in the car about what roles we're going to play.

Is this where I say HECK IF I KNOW?!
I don't have a clue. And I told him that.
He was pretty implicit in what he wasn't 'okay with'........I found myself defending the indefensible. I'm supposing parent units will do that.
No, I haven't forgotten about the chaos and danger that lurked in every corner while the boy was out practicing his addiction. It was my safety that was compromised. Himself helped me plaster the walls that got punched and kicked in......he's got a sense of what it was like. He's got a clear sense of what he's not willing to risk.

Living out of the house will mean the boy won't see things as he used to. (this was my weak arguement with a smidgeon of truth to it) Truth IS--he's still using and seeing no problem with it. Truth IS he's paid the time for his crimes and believes that oughta be enough....the past is the past -- get over it.
"I'm sorry I couldn't make you proud of me" isn't an apology for breaking into this home or the homes of other people to steal and pawn their belongings--people who were nothing but kindly to him.... It's a refocus and a manipulation to get off the hook.
It doesn't undo damage........it's not a show of responsibility and remorse.
The world still owes him.

Yep, he's held down a full time job.
So do a whole lot of addicts.....including the boy's father--who, btw, just recently was dismissed from his job. Addicts lose jobs too. Some lose jobs faster than others.

And at 8a.m. tomorrow, babies are going to happen.

Ya know....I've probably overlooked how huge today's appointments were in and of themselves.
I know how huge the baby thing 'feels'.
This isn't exactly what I dreamt of.
But then none of this is what I dreamt of.

Babies are still going to happen tomorrow.
And I'll officially become a grandparent.
And I'll get to make one decision at a time as to what I'm willing and not willing to do.
One decision at a time........