I have not come to 'here' gracefully.
I know this.
I wear this daily.
I pretend to not let it bother me and I'm about to sound shallow and vain and--exactly where my feet are at this moment in time.
Perhaps it's the price I pay for years of chasing things that were costing me my life without my knowing or caring or trusting that was true.
Perhaps it's the price I pay for years of chasing things that were costing me my life without my knowing or caring or trusting that was true.
Perhaps it's the been the parcels of hard moments that life handed over to me.....the 'me' that was capable of handling 'doled out things'....
While most women were fretting over make-up, stylish clothing, and smart haircuts --I was learning that a 'bad hair day' was when you gathered up what was laying on your pillow, tried to figure out how not to comb your very necessary, very short haircut and went about trying to decide whether spray shellacking it into place was really an option.
I'm on the planet.
G-d ain't done with me yet.
In that I take solace......most days this week.....
And then there's the moment of not recognizing yourself in the photograph.
While most women were fretting over make-up, stylish clothing, and smart haircuts --I was learning that a 'bad hair day' was when you gathered up what was laying on your pillow, tried to figure out how not to comb your very necessary, very short haircut and went about trying to decide whether spray shellacking it into place was really an option.
I'm on the planet.
G-d ain't done with me yet.
In that I take solace......most days this week.....
And then there's the moment of not recognizing yourself in the photograph.
The moment of old friends and business acquaintances not knowing the 'you' who's standing next to them.
The moment of hearing other's comments.
The moment of hearing other's comments.
Other's comments which aren't really my business.....
Still.......this week I've made them my business.
Perhaps it's self pity.
Perhaps it's self pity.
I AM on the planet, after all.
I DO have opportunity after opportunity dropped in front of me....
There IS a usefulness to this life I've been gifted.
Those things are much more vital than the package I come in.....
And from The Writings:
Thou hast searched me, and known me.
Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising,
Thou understandest my thought afar off.
Thou measurest my going about and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O HaShem, Thou knowest it altogether........
(And You love me anyway.....)
Desolation for the week--the package I come in (and all that shallow, vain, self pitying 'stuff').
Consolation for the week--see above. (and see below's pretty pink letters hangin' by bows...)
5 comments:
sometimes others' comments do serve a purpose...another perspective...even the Big Guy uses other people sometimes...
the package... most of our packages are less than perfect. It sucks you don't have more control over fixin' up your package.
Even reading of your self pity..I learn. You articulate what so many can relate. It makes us not alone. I am one of many who are very thankful you are on the planet...and in my orbit.
gotta love the psalms.
{{{{{{{ mel }}}}}}}
I know G-d hears you, and I know that you know it also.
I have said it on my blog, but never on yours, you have changed my life remarkably in a fairly short period of time. I am so glad you found me. You have been my blessing.
{{{{{{ Mel }}}}}}
P.S. I don't call that self-pity, I call it assessment under Sleeping With Bread. It's a perspective thingy.
and You love me anyway.....
is what I take from this
thanking you as ever
Maybe it's a "Libra thing" to not want to self-pity, because I feel the same way, Mel.
But after reading this post, I see that it's really not self-pity, but rather expressing another part of our experience and just acknowledging them as being part of the experience.
Anyway...I thank you for expressing yourself here. For I have learned!
Love ya!
X
"I'm on the planet.
G-d ain't done with me yet."
This reminds me of what a friend keeps telling me about my brother... "He's still here." And I can understand why that's a solace... most days.
Thanks for the lovely comment on my blog and the prayers. I wish you the peace, grace and blessings of the Easter season. You are a beloved adopted daughter of G-d.
Post a Comment