Sleeping With Bread

I've been letting things disturb me.
From pigeons with heart pains, to the weather (yes....the stupid weather....), to people who don't get their jobs done which interferes with me getting my job done, to stupid budgets that get returned even when they're in the black, to little things himself says or does that I end up taking personal, to -- oh, just about everything that happens in the course of 'a day in Mel's life'.

Restless, irritable and discontent....

Toast forcryingoutloud....I had a meltdown over TOAST.

Why?

Choice.
I know it's all about the choice.

Truthfully--when I feel 'out of control' in other areas, it all comes out sideways and 'wonky'.
And this week--I've felt out of control, disorganized and trapped in a 'mess' that I can't seemingly get out of.

Yes--I've had bigger battles than these in this lifetime. Why I'm letting stuff get the better of me.......why I'm giving it so much attention---

LOL I almost said "I don't know...."
That woulda been a lie.

I do know.

Fear does stupid stuff to me. (see how I just made myself the victim of fear? OY brother.....) And I let it. (there. ownership....mostly.....)
I let myself get focused on that which I cannot control and I get irritable about it....crabby cuz it IS what it is and I don't get to do anything about it--'cept hang on to faith and weather the storm with AS much dignity and grace as I can muster.

Apparently I ain't mustering up a whole lot of dignity and grace, huh?

Maybe that's because I breezed by that first part--yaknow....the FAITH deal?!


Oh yes....I remember now....

There's that poster on the wall where I take my coffee in the mornings.

You know..the one that's been there for eons...the gift from a pigeon during a particularly difficult piece of time?
Remember?
Remember the timing of the gift--cuz it was implicit. G-d's implicit timing....He works like that in this life you just about called 'mine'.

And what about the message written beneath the lighthouse, that beacon of hope/faith/light that reads:

We need to learn to set our course by the stars--not by every passing ship.

'Member that?!

Faith.
Hope.
Light.
Trust in the goodness of the journey.
All things you 'know'....all things you've opened my hands to let go of, off and on again, this week.

Apparently you felt the need to let go of 'em to shake your fist at the Big Guy a time or two--ungrateful, spoilt child that you can be at times....

(Sorry about that, Big Guy....dangit....did it again, huh?)


Faith.
Hope.
Light.
Trust.
HIS gift of life......to me.....

Toast?........geeze....
(yeah....it'll be a big deal again....I miss toast.....LOL)


Yaknow--someone sent me an itty bitty heart of pewter that I've left tucked away in a bitty fairy box....
I'm thinkin' I'll stick that in my pocket today and shove my hand in there every time I start to whine and carry on so I can remember how loved I truly am.