Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

Desolation: Sorrow, grief, woe

Watching someone in emotional pain doing everything they can to avoid dealing with it head-on, creating crisis after crisis and misplacing their anger and hurt on to innocent people around them. *sigh* Sometimes it's really, really hard watching the great lengths victims will go to avoid dealing with their victimizations.

Watching someone in the throes of their addiction lie to themselves just like I lied to myself--watching them destroy their life bit by bit by bit......and watching them create (what could be) unforgiveable wreckage in the lives of the people who want so desperately for them to have different because they love them. Sometimes it's hard to watch people go down that path.

Watching people stumble and fall when I really could do something to interfere with that process--but know that it's not mine to do. Sometimes I don't like knowing what I know.

Consolation: Comfort, solace, relief

Sticking my hands in dirt and starting to claim the patio after winter stole it from me is happening. There's one of the places I go to that lets my mind be on what's present. Suntea gets made there. Critters visit me there. Sidewalks get coloured and flowers bloom there. Sunshine and warmth find me there. Putzing around in barefeet, being a spectator instead of being smack-dab in the middle of all that trauma...it's a good place.

Drive time--even though it's required (and it was required a lot last week) gives me time to 'reset'. I don't know what happens when I get behind the wheel of a car to drive distances, I just know it does and I'm glad for it.

Food. There's one that surprises me to put into black and white--I'm just not that fond of food. But food has been a battle for some time....this gluten-free jazz can be one of those every day 'grief' factors. Quite honestly it's an interference every day. (probably cuz I let it be?) But this week himself plopped down a bag of pretzels....gluten-free. OMG did I munch myself into heaven. And more than once this week I dipped into that bag to feed my feelings.

Daily photo messages and one sound text from the wee one. Whoda thunk I'd say claim that as a consolation--certainly not me. There's something about the sound of that snoring, sleepy noise makin' wee one--it's been played over and over and over again--so often himself asks 'listening again, are we?'. LOL She's started a dangerous habit, that girl. But it's been a good thing this week. It's brought laughter in a week littered with tears.


It was a difficult week.....one filled with some very tough moments that seemed to bleed from one tough moment straight into the next.
But I've got a plan for this week, given this examen called it to my attention.....

I'm taking my bag of pretzels, my cellphone (I don't beleive I'm saying that--ME.....the hater of cellphones.....LOL) and I'm gonna go sit on the patio AS often as I can make happen....