Perfect.......

Tonight was the awards dinner.
There were so many people present--many I knew, many I didn't know but intend to come to know...

I was nominated for an award. I knew this before going--the awards committee sent on the nomination papers to my home. It's a part of what they do to recognize folks. I didn't read what folks had written for the nomination--still haven't. I had disqualified myself as a candidate--I'm sure the committee understood.

I don't do accolades well.
Maybe it's all the years of falsely taking 'all the glory and none of the blame'?
Truly the glory doesn't go to me--I had wonderful people passing on all the good stuff they had to give. I've been graced that way, a thousand fold.

It was an honour to be nominated.

The man whose name is on the award.....was my boss--twice. We had a history of 20+ years. He chased after me to bring me here. He died being my boss.

I miss him.
He was an important part in helping me become all that I am in the lives of kiddos and families.


I miss the gal who was one of my right hand gals. She passed away earlier this year and I really, really miss her.
We all struggle. I do. The staff that work with me do.......after some 19 years of working side by side--small wonder we struggle.

Tonight I was nominated for an award that I truly couldn't have accepted--wouldn't have accepted.
What the award speaks to is what I was privileged to do for years, once-upon-a-time.
I get to dabble here and there now. I manipulate--I demand the time I spend with the kiddos and families. I 'gave that up' when I accepted the administator's position I have.
I envy those who took my place, those who get to wake 'em up in the morning and put 'em to bed at night.
I miss that part which spoke so loudly to all that I am.
I also know why it is that I'm where I am, doing what I do.
I'm where I'm suppose to be, today.
Exactly where I'm suppose to be...


And tonight--among the noise and fanfare and 'doings'--my much loved and much missed right hand gal won the award that holds the name of my much loved and much missed boss.

I miss the man who was my boss, my friend, my mentor, my confidante', my teacher, my shining example of selfless service
.
I miss the gal who was my conscience, my steady Eddie, my agitator, my teacher, my pupil, my co-worker, my partner, my friend.

I was weepy tonight.
My whole crew was weepy.

I'm weepy now....

I miss 'em.