Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

Petty.

Stupid.

Trivial in the bigger scope of things, I'm sure.
Maybe this will work to put things to right size and get me off the dime and outta the desert.

The biggest source of desolation this week--Food.

Yup. Sounds pretty stupid and petty.
Just putting it up here makes it sound as trivial as it probably oughta be.
The problem is--it hasn't particularly been trivial, even though I've wanted it to be.

Admittedly, I've had a long standing issue with food. In order to 'function' I've had to look at food a bit differently than most folks.
Food's been 'fuel for the body' for a long time in my life.
That's the way I've had to look at it.

Food's been the topic of choice for the better part of this week.
He who must be tired of this, the doctor, the nutritionist--co-workers, concerned friends....even WPIML has had an ounce of flesh this week over the food issue.

I asked WPIML not to take the ounce of flesh--I'm feeling like there ain't an extra ounce left to hand over.

The doc told me it's a slow heal. "We're talking about two to three years, not two to three months". The nutrionist is suggesting I might want to consider giving up dining out all together for a while.
I'm tired of being tired.
I'm tired of people looking at me sideways and making comments.
I'm tired of being talked about like I'm not standing there--yes, I look different than I did a year ago....
I'm tired of label reading and 'what's in it?' questioning. Even having to consider 'cross contamination'?
......OY brother....

The desolation?
The focus of my whole world is suddenly and unchangingly-- food.....

Cancer didn't get this much airtime. I swear.......



The consolation?

Peacefilled moments have come as I've managed to manipulate a bit of patio time where the critters and flowers get my attention. The firepit was lit, feeders were filled--bunnies, ground squirrels, woodpeckers, nuthatches, cardinals, sparrows and grackles alike showed their appreciation by showing up and providing stolen moments of entertainment.

A good book to stick my nose in has proven to be handy. If nothing else, it's been a break from the reality that's been nipping at my heels every which-way I turn.
Nope, I haven't picked up anything new--(k.....'cept for "Church of the Old Mermaids" which I thoroughly enjoyed!)
Working on the pile(s) I have has worked....though I can FEEL a trip to Barnes and Bankruptsy calling me.
(It's almost summer--a good book on the bench swing with a tall glass of suntea.....my idea of man-made heaven!)

Then there's the readings, the prayers and the gratitude list that WPIML has me doing.
Yeah, yeah......it's an old solution to an old problem.
It's all about 'attitude', I'm told. I'm also told that my attitude 'sucks'.

That's what I get for whining. LOL

*rolling eyes and laughing*

It hasn't killed me.
And there's something about the familiar, the simple, the routine and 'the basics' that brings me comfort.

When in doubt, back to the basics I go......